Bagagge App

The Baggage App may allow you to ‘check’ your luggage and store it safely where you can access it at any point. The Baggage App won’t change your circumstances, but it can help carry your emotional load. It is a safe space for you to store your emotional baggage and process it. It is somewhere you can come back to and unpack what you are holding, sit with it and repack it for safe keeping.

Filtering by Tag: journalling

Out of the shadows

Out of the shadows

With the announcement of my story coming out in That’s Life Magazine next week; I thought it appropriate to talk about exposing truths and how much impact it can have on your life. As many people who have a lived experience of sexual abuse, I buried my true self alongside the secrets and shame of the details. It wasn’t until I started journaling and exposing the truth (even to myself) that there was a shift inside me about my role in the trauma. That is why I am so passionate about giving other people the tools to start the process, my website or the Baggage App isn’t about making me rich (… but happy to have that as a consequence; just saying universe). It is about sharing how this technique has made a difference in my life and how by taking the trauma out of the shadows; it became my abusers shame. It isn’t my shame; I did nothing wrong. I was abused. By exposing it, I removed from me and placed it outside of myself. This is the next level of exposure though isn’t it? My photo will be alongside a story about someone who lived through abuse as a child. Part of me still cringes at the idea that strangers may see me and identify me as that person; will they only see the trauma? Will I see pity in their eyes; is that scared little 5 year old inner child wanting to hide again? Big breath, I know this is healthy for me. Every time I expose it, more of the dark shadows are lifted. Ok, clearly I am a work still in progress, and maybe I will always be healing – it is not a cure all. I do believe that journaling is part of a process towards healing, but it is only a part of the process. There are no quick fixes, no magic transformations; there is no ‘snake elixir’ for sale here. I will just say though, it can bring up emotions that you may not have been expecting, so as always; keep yourself safe and reach out to a trusted friend or family member or use a 24hr counselling help line if you need to talk to someone.

Am I anti-social or just an introvert?

Am I anti-social; I have been contemplating that this week? I know my personality type is introverted and on the scale I am WAY over on the introverted side, but I believe my past has influenced the development of my personality.  If it has, does that mean I can adjust or ‘balance’ my introversion so I don’t come across as completely anti-social?  So, how has my personality helped or hindered my healing process from my childhood traumas? As an introvert I naturally ‘go within’ to restore my emotional batteries; this means I need alone time. I enjoy reflecting and being on my own. For me this has meant in my past I could slip into rumination (where I could dwell a little too long – being sad). That is a down side. It has also meant that because I need alone time, I do not seek out company of other people naturally and as I have gotten older I basically avoid other people all together.

But it’s not all bad, because of my unfortunate circumstances from childhood; I have had to rely on myself and still find happiness alone, which I believe I have. Ok, but now I am thinking; is this a convenient excuse not to go to the next level of my healing and trust others enough to let them into my inner circle. I only have one person in my life currently that I would call if I have any news (good, bad, exciting, boring…) and she is my adult daughter. Does she count though? Basically evolutionary biology means she has to love me (survival instinct), luckily I think we like each other too. Back to the question; is this behaviour anti-social or just my personality?  Hmmm, maybe there is no clear answer; but I think I need to venture out of my comfort zone and make sure I am not doing more to harm to myself. If it turns out I am perfectly emotionally healthy (….. ‘right?’), fine I can retreat back into the shadows. If on the other hand it is healthier for me to make meaningful connections with other people, isn’t it my duty to myself to do that? The words all introverts disdain ‘are you free this weekend?’ will have to become part of my new rhetoric to test this theory out…. (Anxious face!).

Inner Shift

Inner Shift

For the past few months I have been ‘unpacking’ a lot emotional baggage through my video blogs and while I am no novice to journaling; I feel something has shifted inside me (and no, it is not that bag of potato chips from my last blog!). I truly feel I am developing an authenticity about my life now and as a consequence I am making different choices. I am aware I am blessed to be able to make choices with my life; what I choose to study, where I want to work and how I engage with the world. In my visual blog about going to the pawn shop with my mum; I talked about how I didn’t feel I fitted into society. Since then, I have been making an effort to be mindful about my presence in this world and then thinking about if I need to make any changes.

I started post graduate studies in counselling this year and thought this is what I ‘should’ do, to be taken seriously. I have felt no motivation or yearning to study this, but I felt an obligation (so I would be accepted and fit in?). So here I am about turn 47 next month and I am still making choices based on my insecurities; it is time to stop that. To live with authenticity I need to listen to my soul and what makes my heart ignite with passion. I need to hear my own rhythms and follow where my intuition takes me and I can’t when all I am doing is listening to the cacophony that is the outside world. I don’t want to wake up when I am 80 living an average life of comfort and security, listening to the distant echo of what was my authentic rhythm. I think it’s time to turn up the volume and move; although I might start off with some toe tapping and work my way up to interpretive dance.

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