Bagagge App

The Baggage App may allow you to ‘check’ your luggage and store it safely where you can access it at any point. The Baggage App won’t change your circumstances, but it can help carry your emotional load. It is a safe space for you to store your emotional baggage and process it. It is somewhere you can come back to and unpack what you are holding, sit with it and repack it for safe keeping.

My inner child is a spoilt brat

Today I am contemplating how my actions are contributing to my life. And I keep coming back to the same conclusion; I am not an enlightened, humbled spiritual being, calmly traversing through my life with the knowledge that everything happens the way it’s supposed to. I am closer to a narcissistic, impatient toddler-adult who wants what she wants, NOW! I try so hard to be grateful, but often I find my thoughts wandering into the dark and murky emotions of jealousy. Intellectually I know I am very lucky, I live in a society where I have choices and I am relatively healthy. So why is that not enough for me…. why is my inner toddler-adult having a tantrum? I have tried self-medicating with food, but it is never enough for her. I have tried tough love, but she is more stubborn than me (and I am not really consistent with my discipline). All that is left is a time out and while I would love to ground myself to my home, I don’t think my employer would accept my reasons for staying home as valid; “sorry Tuija can’t come in today, she had a tantrum on the weekend and now she has to stay home and think about her actions”.  

So how do I stop validating the actions of my inner child; especially knowing the trauma I went through when I was young? Am I over compensating, knowing I cannot bear to hear her cry? I once had a dream where I was being followed by what I initially thought was a feral animal that kept howling in the shadows. In the end of the dream I was confronted by the small, scared little girl who was screaming in pain and sadness; me. That was many years ago and I have done a lot of therapy and self-reflection since then; so why am I afraid to say no to my inner child still? I over indulge her with comfort food, I keep her safe from strangers and do not take her out. But isn’t this another form of abuse, by pandering to her every emotional whim? God, I wish I was more enlightened. If I was; I could practice good parenting skills on myself and learn to say “no”. But alas, I am an average person trying my best in this world, so I go forth with full knowledge of my self-abuse, through over-indulgences and pray I make it through my inner-teenage years….

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