Am I anti-social or just an introvert?
Am I anti-social; I have been contemplating that this week? I know my personality type is introverted and on the scale I am WAY over on the introverted side, but I believe my past has influenced the development of my personality. If it has, does that mean I can adjust or ‘balance’ my introversion so I don’t come across as completely anti-social? So, how has my personality helped or hindered my healing process from my childhood traumas? As an introvert I naturally ‘go within’ to restore my emotional batteries; this means I need alone time. I enjoy reflecting and being on my own. For me this has meant in my past I could slip into rumination (where I could dwell a little too long – being sad). That is a down side. It has also meant that because I need alone time, I do not seek out company of other people naturally and as I have gotten older I basically avoid other people all together.
But it’s not all bad, because of my unfortunate circumstances from childhood; I have had to rely on myself and still find happiness alone, which I believe I have. Ok, but now I am thinking; is this a convenient excuse not to go to the next level of my healing and trust others enough to let them into my inner circle. I only have one person in my life currently that I would call if I have any news (good, bad, exciting, boring…) and she is my adult daughter. Does she count though? Basically evolutionary biology means she has to love me (survival instinct), luckily I think we like each other too. Back to the question; is this behaviour anti-social or just my personality? Hmmm, maybe there is no clear answer; but I think I need to venture out of my comfort zone and make sure I am not doing more to harm to myself. If it turns out I am perfectly emotionally healthy (….. ‘right?’), fine I can retreat back into the shadows. If on the other hand it is healthier for me to make meaningful connections with other people, isn’t it my duty to myself to do that? The words all introverts disdain ‘are you free this weekend?’ will have to become part of my new rhetoric to test this theory out…. (Anxious face!).