For the past few months I have been ‘unpacking’ a lot emotional baggage through my video blogs and while I am no novice to journaling; I feel something has shifted inside me (and no, it is not that bag of potato chips from my last blog!). I truly feel I am developing an authenticity about my life now and as a consequence I am making different choices. I am aware I am blessed to be able to make choices with my life; what I choose to study, where I want to work and how I engage with the world. In my visual blog about going to the pawn shop with my mum; I talked about how I didn’t feel I fitted into society. Since then, I have been making an effort to be mindful about my presence in this world and then thinking about if I need to make any changes.
I started post graduate studies in counselling this year and thought this is what I ‘should’ do, to be taken seriously. I have felt no motivation or yearning to study this, but I felt an obligation (so I would be accepted and fit in?). So here I am about turn 47 next month and I am still making choices based on my insecurities; it is time to stop that. To live with authenticity I need to listen to my soul and what makes my heart ignite with passion. I need to hear my own rhythms and follow where my intuition takes me and I can’t when all I am doing is listening to the cacophony that is the outside world. I don’t want to wake up when I am 80 living an average life of comfort and security, listening to the distant echo of what was my authentic rhythm. I think it’s time to turn up the volume and move; although I might start off with some toe tapping and work my way up to interpretive dance.